December 1, 2012

Magic

 

Lately I have been suffering from RookieBrain, which is what happens when I spend too many hours at a time on the Rookie Magazine website (for “research” purposes of course…I’m still working on my Creative Nonfiction piece) and then end up feeling panicked and lonely and weird. There are so many references I don’t recognize and too too too many links (to be fair, Rookie doesn’t actually have a lot of links…I just feel an over-dramatic sense of darkness after clicking on too many [i.e. 1-2] links. I call this more general condition InternetBrain… or “I JUST WANT TO STAY HERE IN THIS ONE PLACE OKAY?”). Also, I constantly wonder how these girls possibly have the energy to do everything they are doing, and why I, made of similar human stuff as them, can’t be more productive. This is a normal frustration, I think, and writing my Creative Nonfiction piece has really helped me feel like I’m not just drowning in my own passivity.

I found another partial remedy to RookieBrain: I’ve been submitting things to them! I have never ever been the type to “stick my neck out” (frankly that just seems like a stupid thing to do physically speaking), but something about sending an informal e-mail to a bunch of nice girls just seems easy. And the best part of submitting isn’t waiting to see if I accepted (I’ve already gotten one rejection from them and it wasn’t that bad!); it’s more the feeling like I am playing a teeny tiny role in this thing I have been immersing myself in for the past few months–this thing that feels so intimidating, and so “other.” It’s kind of like voting…you know your vote doesn’t technically make a difference, but it’s still empowering to participate in what’s going on. Bad analogy? Okay. Anyway, clearly I have lots of THOUGHTS and FEELINGS about this whole Rookie thing, so I am actually thinking about turning it into my Senior Thesis project for next semester.

Unrelatedly (actually, totally related but in ways not worth explaining), I am reading Marilynne Robinson’s Housekeeping for class right now and it is becoming one of my favorite books of all time. I don’t want to write about it yet because it’s too beautiful and sad (read: heart-cracking) and I am still in the middle of it. But today I got together with two of my friends from class who happen to be art majors (my favorite type of people), and we walked around in the rain talking about things that go with the book in our minds–photographs and songs and poems and letters. It was the best kind of afternoon, because people are infinitely better than the Internet.

 

P.S. The other night/early morning I woke up to the creature below–fully wrapped in the blanket–whispering my name from the doorway…the first of what now has become a series of  bizarre attempts by my roommate to “scare” me. She has enlisted everyone from her boyfriend to our other housemates as accomplices, but has yet to succeed. Pretty pathetic, seeing as I am a wimp.

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2 Responses to “”

  1. KJ said

    Ok, first of all I meant to respond to your text about reading Housekeeping. It is, hands down, my favorite book. Robinson was reading in Iowa City (she is a prof at the writer’s workshop) but unfortunately it was while i was home for fall break so I missed. My god though, that book.

    ALSO, I’ve been wanting to submit to Rookie! I’m so impressed that you have been. I actually almost send you a dweeby email when they announced the theme for December because you write a lot about faith in a really beautiful, personal, and educated way and I think their website would benefit from your voice.
    Finally, I remember reading an interview with Tavi where she was asked how she does it all and was really just like, well, I do one thing and finish it and then move on to the next thing, and finish it. I don’t let myself get distracted yada yada. And I was like, okay, you alien you.

  2. annamoreau said

    This comment made me happy in so many ways.

    When Rookie first announced their faith theme, I was really excited but also terrified. Mostly because I knew this was the perfect time to submit, but also because I can picture them rolling their eyes at my unironic, institutionalized view of faith. That said, your comments about my writing mean a lot to me.

    We should talk more over break about submitting (and maybe even force each other to submit…).

    I JUST THOUGHT OF A BRILLIANT IDEA…we could drive to Iowa and stalk/interview Marilynne Robinson and call it “Our week with Marilynne”!!

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