August 15, 2013

It has been hard to write.

It’s always hard for me to create anything in the summer…laziness, I think. But also, my thoughts have seemed less cohesive and more self-centered lately.

The other night, I had a dream (the non-narrative type… even worse than a nightmare) that my body was a word document. I work a lot with word documents at my new job… I have to highlight certain sections in different colors, copy and paste, substitute numbers in. So, when I was the word document, different parts of my body corresponded to different parts of the document, and the parts that I change at work were tingling. And in my dream, I knew if I could just copy & paste the right part to my body, it would stop tingling.

I am frustrated with words. I’ve been much happier with visual expression lately (I’ve been posting a few pictures here), but that’s frustrating too. I can’t seem to capture anything in any medium. It all feels skimpy.

I like the idea of charts, and so I’ve made a small one below. I would say what it is about, but I don’t really know, and that’s why it’s a chart and not a paragraph. I do know that I have been hyper-conscious of my age, and this chart is about things I have seen & done the past few weeks, and what age I have associated them with.

Madeleine L’Engle said once, “I am still every age that I have been.” This has felt most true to me this summer. (Also, I sometimes feel that I am still certain ages I haven’t been yet…i.e. middle age).Image